8 years of figuring who I am

Ever since I finished High School, I've been looking for ways to find myself.

It's been 8 years. Lots of trial and error. Sleepless nights, days when I was just reading, watching videos, trying to find the meaning of it all.

I was comprehending the reason for my existence and what I should do with my life. Surely, I am not here to work 9-5, get married, and that's it.

The plan that's laid out by society isn't for me. It can't be. Not for me.

I wanted to go independent, I wanted to do it my way. How I like it, how I please. I am not held accountable by anyone. I don't like authorities, just for the sake that they are an "authority."

There are many things I could write about, but I will go to the point, with a story first.

As I was saying, ever since I finished high school 8 years ago, I wanted to do something else other than a typical plan; school, job, marriage, kids, retire, die.

So I was looking for unconventional ways of making money and living life on my terms, how I wanted to.

I've stumbled upon entrepreneurship. And I started reading about it, watching videos, all kinds of things.

I've changed my interests from freelance skills (most notably copywriting and video editing) to real estate, e-commerce, agency, YouTube, affiliate, coding, and everything in between... only to make money without having a "normal" job.

It was chaotic, but I learned a ton from everything. I know basic things about most of the business ventures (online at least).

But I made no real progress when it came to being independent. I couldn't focus on a singular thing and excel at it. Not only excelled but at least made some progress in achieving my rebellion against conventional ways of living.

There were 2 main problems:

1. I was looking externally instead of internally

2. I was focusing on the wrong thing

I've been always looking for external things, making money so I can buy a better house, do cool things, travel the world, get a driver's licence and drive a good-looking car, and so on.

The problem with this is I thought it would make me happy. I thought it would make me feel at ease. But how does that go against the conventional way, when they advertise all of it, just in a slightly different way?

What actually matters is being happy with yourself. Doing things that you want, you love.

And this comes to focusing on the right thing.

The right thing is to do what you want, what makes you excited, what makes you happy.

I wish I had known this earlier: Yourself is the greatest ally you can ever have; get to know it to the bottom; get to know yourself completely.

In the last month, I have learned more about myself than I have in 8 years since I've tried going my own way.

It all compounded. As I was researching and learning different things, I was unconsciously looking at what I loved and disliked. For example, I've always been going back to copywriting. There are 2 main reasons for this. One is the love for writing, and the second is for the psychology. I didn't care about crafting a perfect advertisement or email to get people to click on something. I didn't care about data. I cared about writing and human psychology.

Recently I have found that I love writing, and I need to write. It makes me think through things. I love psychology as it's complex and I want to know what makes people behave the way they do.

But the problem was that I didn't want to write about things I was not interested in. Especially not for someone else.

I'm not saying I am going full-on psychology, I find it interesting. It's what matters.

I care about doing things I love and getting paid just enough to cover my living expenses. The rest that comes is a nice bonus. I don't care about it if I'm doing the things I love. I'm living that way, and I'm living unconventionally.

I started obsessing over MBTI types, and I am an INTP. Once I read a book -- The INTP: Personality, Careers, Relationships, and the Quest for Truth and Meaning by Dr. A.J. Drenth -- it all came together like a puzzle. Why am I so logical, why am I sometimes distant from the emotional sides of things, and why do I keep changing interests and opinions on a frequent level. Why I dislike schedules and to-do lists.

There are so many things I learned about myself, that I started crying one day all of a sudden. I finally started living authentically. I started living the life I wanted to. I stopped caring about marketing skills, coding, e-commerce, trading, or any of those things.

Some people find joy in those areas, and I say to them good, great, if it makes you happy and excited go for it.

I find excitement in finding the truth and meaning of things that pique my interest. Writing my findings, and my thoughts. Once I'm done with a certain topic, I go and research another topic. And it never stops.

But the things that really pique my interest, and probably never will fade, since it's either too complex or just too damn darn interesting, are the workings of my own body, Mind-body or Cognitive Behavioural Techniques.

Next to that, philosophically wrestling with the mind-body problems. Psychology here and there, but I am mainly looking internally as you can see.

I am essentially calling myself a Philosopher and a Phenomenologist.

In simple terms:

• Philosophy, def. - Science of wisdom

• Phenomenology - Philosophy of self experience

So I am focusing on myself, on various meditation techniques, looking for ways to improve my life, looking at CBT, writing it all down, and talking about it. If I help myself, I hope it can also help other people.

It took me 8 years to assemble this huge puzzle. I collected and put it into pieces one by one until finally it clicked and the whole picture was clear.

The main point is to know yourself first, know your pros and cons, what you like and dislike, and what matters to you. There is no point in listening to someone else when it comes to how you should live.

What are your values, your morals, and your interests? Those are just some of the questions you need to ask yourself.

As you can see, the root of the problem was that I didn't know myself completely. I could have solved the puzzle much quicker if I had assembled them correctly.

If you want my advice, start by figuring out yourself. I'll quote myself once more for the end-- Yourself is the greatest ally you can ever have; get to know it to the bottom; get to know yourself completely.

-Dejan Kopunovic